Planning Your Non-traditional Wedding Ceremony
When you think of Wedding Traditions, what springs to mind?
Well, there’s the white bridal gown, the veil and something blue, a bridal party, flashy cars, curated guest seating, the first dance and a huge tiered wedding cake…
Dig a little deeper and you’ll see that the undisputed culprit around traditions, hands down is the wedding ceremony. Things like dad walking the bride down the aisle, the giving away of the bride, bride’s family on one side, groom’s family on the other, and best man holds the rings.
The Old Way vs the New Way
Did you know that many of these ceremony traditions derive from medieval times? When men wore swords to protect and women were given away by their fathers for dowry!
Let’s just take a moment to be grateful that this no longer status quo. Luckily we have evolved and these days, humans have the freedom of choice. Hence the modern day approach to weddings.
When I consider my own wedding, it’s a good example. My husband and I knew we wanted to do things differently. After exploring a few options, we decided to elope to the USA. We had a magical sunset desert ceremony, just the two of us, our celebrant, photographer and driver. I was so inspired by this incredible experience, I uprooted by marketing career and became a full-time non-traditional celebrant. I’ve always felt the urge to question why we do certain things. Is there a better way? Why follow traditions, when cultures have morphed into sub-cultures and everyone’s lifestyles, personalities and styles are anything but one-size fits all.
So often couples follow what they’ve seen before or in movies, and at times what their families want them to do. I’m not saying I’m against traditions but I certainly like to explore new ways. I’m BIG on finding out what has meaning to my couples, not just for their wedding but also in their life. These are the all-important ingredients that make a personal ceremony!
During the ceremony, there is only one tradition that must be done - saying your legal vows. Everything else is optional and not at all a legal requirement for you to get married. Perhaps a few traditions are tweaked or heck, scraped them and turn a traditional ceremony upside down!
Let’s look at how we can adapt some common ceremony traditions:
CEREMONY LOCATION
80% of weddings these days are non-religious. So by all means, replace the place of worship with any other place. Be it a beach, park, garden, a mountain top, paddock, wedding venue, winery, restaurant, bar, boat, home, rental property, festival, anywhere! If you’re looking for ideas, I’ve compiled a list of my favourite spots around Sydney, the Southern Highlands, Wollongong and the South Coast.
WEDDING PARTY
Firstly we need to remove the term ‘bridal’ and replace it with words that suit each couple. There may not be a bride or groom, there may be two brides or two grooms, or neither. The couple might prefer the term ‘partner’. At the same time, let’s replace the term ‘bridal party’ with your wedding party or wedding crew.
Also why do females stand on one side and the males on the other? There might be groomswomen, groomsmen, bridesmen, brideswomen, a man of honour and best woman. Flower girls and boys, page boys and girls. Even flower pups or page pups.
What about having a collective wedding party? They might wear matching attire or a certain theme or colours and form a semi-circle behind the couple. Depending on the space, it can be a large or small crew. I once did a wedding where the couple had 26 friends in their wedding party. It worked remarkably well!
On the other hand, you might feel it’s too hard choosing who should be in your wedding party so maybe don’t have one. You can still have your siblings and BFs help with the lead-up and get ready with you on the day!
NOT SEEING EACH OTHER BEFORE THE CEREMONY
Still a favourite followed by many couples, and I totally get it. It adds an extra layer of surprise and emotion on your big day just like surprising each other with your personal vows. Though for some, it can bring up anxiety, extra nerves or it just isn’t them. Some might prefer staying together the night before, maybe even get ready together or get ready in different rooms, have a first look before the ceremony to ease the nerves and have a special moment together before the big celebration kicks off.
GUEST SEATING / STANDING
Who says the couple’s family sit on opposite sides? There’s a much better vibe if all guests sit and stand together, regardless of who they know. We’re all one big family right? One thing to consider is the all important front row traditionally saved for immediate family. If this doesn’t faze you, open it up to any guests or perhaps the wedding party gets pole position, if you like the idea of them sitting during your nuptials.
When it comes to the setup, instead of the traditional theatre-style, have your guests seated or standing in U-shape, U-shape rows, a spiral of seats or a full circle.
THE ENTRANCE
Have you ever wondered...why do brides walk down the aisle with their dads? Why not walk with mum, both parents, your sibling, best friend, grandparent or my favourite, make a grand entrance and walk all by yourself? If you have kids or fur kids they could walk with you. Why not walk down the aisle together, after your first look? Another non-traditional way is not walking down the aisle at all. Be there to greet your guests together as they arrive and then we simply start the ceremony when you’re ready.
GIVING AWAY OF THE BRIDE
This tradition is seriously outdated and irrelevant, we’ve put it in the archives for good!
These days your celebrant might suggest acknowledging anyone who has been a role model for the couple. This includes parents, step-parents, grandparents, also kids, siblings and anyone else who you feel worthy of an acknowledgement. To add, a personal acknowledgement can be made to anyone close to you who is no longer with us or who couldn’t make it to the celebration.
GENERIC CEREMONY SCRIPT
In the yesteryears, religious ministers and celebrants said exactly the same words during every wedding ceremony, and just replace the names of the couple getting married. Actually, some still some do today. Thankfully these days, celebrants have upped their game. They are in fact, storytellers who tells the tale of you as a couple, in a tone that suits your style and personality. They will also guide you when it comes to writing your personal vows.
Another way to personalise your ceremony, is to invite one or two family members or friends to say a few words during the ceremony. This might reduce the reception speeches. If you have any musician friends, they can perform the ceremony music or a dedicated song. If you're a musician, perhaps you’d like to perform yourself. I once has a couple who performed a song together, as part of their vows. It was amazing!
SAYING I DO
There are a few mandatory legal words that must be said in your vows but saying 'I do’ is not one of them. You could swap it for something else, like heck yes, absolutely, yes yes yes, I do but on one condition: you bring me coffee in bed every sunrise (or anything else quirky about your relationship). You might like to say ‘We do’ together or just leave this question out altogether and focus on your personal vows.
WEDDING VOWS
Besides your mandatory legal one-liner, now is your shot to be creative, heartfelt and a little humorous by writing your own meaningful vows. Your vows don’t need to be long, a paragraph is a nice length. Maybe write it as a love letter, a poem or sing it out loud on the day.
EXCHANGE OF RINGS
The ring bearer role traditionally sits in the hands of best man, but this role can be given to anyone. It could be your mum, your dad, your sibling, your kids, your dog. Or you could have two ring bearers, holding one each - best man and maid of honour, both mums, both dads, one mum and one dad, two siblings, two kids…
Instead of exchanging rings, why not gift each other something else…this could be a piece of jewellery like a necklace, watch, bracelet or headpiece. You could present wrapped gifts to open in front of your guests, or make a toast to each other with a favourite drink or shot.
SIGNING THE LEGAL CERTIFICATES
Traditionally, the two witnesses would be the best man and maid of honour. More commonly now, couples are also choosing their Mums, their siblings or their grandparents. If none of these choices work for you, do a lucky dip. During the ceremony the celebrant can announce the random draw and invite the two lucky guests up for their 5 minutes of fame.
When it comes to the actual signing table, what about using a wine barrel instead? How about a picnic rug with cushions and little table, wooden or milk crates, or no table at all just your partner’s back to lean on.
BEVERAGE, ANYONE?
This last one isn’t a tradition but I felt it is worthy of a mention. From experience, if your guests are greeted with a drink, you’ve won them over already! It makes for a more relaxed, casual and cheery celebration.
Here are a few other ideas that your guests will love you for! Have waiters serve a favourite tipple to willing guests at the end of the ceremony and make a special toast to the newlyweds, or in honour of someone special who is no longer with us. Have a bottle of bubbles ready to pop (or favourite drink of choice, it doesn’t have to be alcohol) for the signing of the legal paperwork and water for guests to drink, especially if the weather is hot. Consider having a drinks station set up for guests to enjoy before / after the ceremony and maybe add a grazing table too.
So as you can see, there are lots of ways to make a ceremony non-traditional or traditional with a few twists. Either way, I love delving into the detail and if you do too, let’s create something together that is every inch YOU.
Most of all, I love how there is less pressure these days on how a wedding should look like. It’s such a joy seeing couples have creative freedom. So let’s say goodbye to should-be’s and open our minds to unique, meaningful and creative touches. Ultimately let’s do what FEELS right.
Planning your non-traditional wedding is an adventure you’ll never forget! If you’d like some support I’ve got a tonne of ideas so just shoot me a message. I’d love to have a chat.
JACQUA
BIO
Jacq AKA Jacqua is a non-traditional wedding celebrant based in NSW. You’ll mostly find her around Sydney, Southern Highlands, Wollongong and the South Coast.
She marries couples who are creative, unconventional and a little quirky—lovers who want a wedding that reflects their distinct sense of style. Eloping? Getting hitched away from home? She’s happy to travel and free to roam!